This time though.. I was apparently so intent on something I put myself into a trance or something.  I send out two dice to the shooter and stare at his hand.  That’s when I had a brain cloud moment or something as I’m just staring apparently at his hand without really seeing anything.. just staring blankly as the shooter has already thrown the dice.

His hand is still in the layout though, down on the table and by gawd I’m staring at it completely oblivious to him having already chucked the dice.  It’s all a split second to me sorta as I’m out of it seemingly but I’m sure it must have seemed an eternity to the rest of the people on the game.  People wondering what the hell’s going on etc… in the back of my mind I hear other base in the distance “Seven out!” and I remember thinking “why in the HELL would Rueben be rooting OUT LOUD for a seven? wtf?”

Then the box calls it and I’m like “huh, whaaa?” and kinda come around and decide I had better “take my eyes off the dice” to look and see what all the commotion is.  I see base out there on other side moving out toward…… two dice on the layout, 6-1.  Well pooh.. wth I thought, now back from LALA land.  The damage is done though.

I think this brain cloud is terminal, I only have six months to live.

Little Joe is on stick, D.O.T.Y. is on base.. other base is slammed paying a ton of stuff.  Joe says “White to stick, please.” Nothing happens.

Looks at D.O.T.Y. still standing there.. ”White to stick.”

<crickets>

Joe blinks and takes a nickel off his stack and throws it in the come in front of DOTY and says “check change.”

“Where?”

“To me.” says Little Joe.

“Oh ok.” and she cuts out five singles and hands them to Joe.

“I got in trouble ’cause of a spoon.” and turns back toward the stage, also listening to somebody not ask eleven questions.

So I say “oooh no… no no no NO! You can’t just tell somebody that you got ‘In trouble ’cause of a SPOON‘ like that and not give an explanation.. It’s not right.. It’s not fair! Come on, Joe, explain yourself.”

“I… I… I can’t explain it on account of the incident report…”

It’s funny from there on out, but it doesn’t really compare him just telling me this whole thing in this manner! Apparently Joe Cat was in the TDR fixing a bowl of cereal when I realized there were no spoons out front. He goes out and around to come in the backside of the kitchen to grab a spoon from the utensil rack there, across freshly mopped floor. However careful Joe must have been wasn’t enough this day though and as he’s walking back out the back of the kitchen, he slips on the wet floor, passing the cleaning guy doing the mopping and Joe falls, busting his butt on the tile!

Still holding the spoon aloft like the mighty Excalibur above the bossom of the lake, Joe get up, sorely and bitching himself out says outloud (as Joe is wont to do) “I can’t believe I fell and busted my ass for a f@$king spoon!”

Well the guy moppin the floor musta thought Joe was cussin’ at him and got upset.. because Joe had to fill out a report explaining the situation!

I told you the setup was funnier than the story. I was laughing my rear off when he first mentioned casually that he got in trouble because of a spoon though, really.

What else…

J. Shanks (bluexiii) jumps to the lead in the annual Understatement Of The Year category when he tells Joe T. in the meeting, and I quote “I’m a little different than most people.”

“Sir, would you like to press your bets so you don’t push the next time?”

Dammit Joe, your learning.

Right?

Oh wait, did I mention it’s Joe Cat on base?  Oh, sorry.. I should have said.

Joe’s gotten them all wrong.. close, yes, but wrong.  He stands up and says “ok ok ok, half.. gets half.. size into”

“FIVE! LIGHT THE FIVE! No field f..”

Joe whispers to himself, “oh shit.” and marks the five.

He says “I’m coming back! I’m coming back! Gimme some prop action.”

“Nooooo I don’t think so” I chuckle.

“Awww come on I’m coming back I’m coming back come onnnn gimme some props!”

“Ok ok.. $5 hoppin the 10, hard 10 rolls” I say.

Joe Cat puts on his pondering face and repeats “$5 hoppin the 10.. what rolls?”

“Hard 10″

“Ok, hard 10, $5 hoppin the 10 hard 10″ he says, stalling. “$5.. black jack add a zero minus half the bet.. let’s see $5.. $7.50.. 75… minus……. $72.50!”

“Hey! That’s good!” I cheer.

“Gimme another one!”

“Why don’t you quit while you are ahead?”

“Gimme another one! I’m comin back I’m comin back”

“Ok.. $15 hoppin the 10, hard 10 rolls”

“Oh jeez” he says, his exstatic look morphs into that scrunched up puzzled look he gets.  “Ok, black jack add a zero minus half the bet” he profounds.

“Yeah, that’s right..”

“Ok black jack add a zero minus half the bet… $15 dollars..”

“Yeah that’s right..”

“What rolls?”

I turn to go..

He pleads “Wait wait.. black jack add a zero minus half the bet.. OK.. $15… $72.50 times 3.. OK.. $72.50.. 150.. minus half….”

I raise an eyebrow but wait..

“$145″ he answers.

“Umm..no.”

“Ok.. 225  minus half the bet.. $198″

“198???!? so 225 minus $7.50 equals 198?”

“No no no..Ok ok.. $15 blackjack minus half the bet times zero.  $15 black jack $22.50 that’s 200, 220, 225 that’s 225 minus half.. oh jeez oh jeez.. 225 minus half.. half is $7.50, 225 minus… $112.. no NO.. 114.. no.. 110.. it’s $110″

“No.”

“$111″

“Fifth strike, you’re out!”

“Ok ok.. $225 minus half.. half is $7.50.. 225 minus 7.50.. 5 is 220 2 is.. 217 no 218 minus 50.. $217.50?”

“Finally!”

“Gimme another one!”

“OOOOH NO.”

HE’S BACK BABY!

Joe’s on stick, one shooter on the game nothing going on.  All of a sudden I hear

“Step away from the microwave sir.”

WTF, Joe.

Welcome back Joe.  Hope to see some doozies here real quick.

Guess who’s picture is there.. that’s right,  our favorite wayward son, Joe Cat.

There’s a security snapshot of him next to his pixelated mug showing the Freight Train jumping the tracks and wiping out on that motorized scooter shopping cart, taking out a row of shelves and end cap.

What’s up with that, Joe?

Thanks again Joe.