Talk Is Cheap

Our beloved Joe Cat is on stick, guy in third spot on rail throws in a hard six.. Joe books it “$3 hard six, two from my one.” That is all.

OK, so, I’m on crapless.  Joe Cat comes ambling up to the game.  Jackson Parker was there, playing, and pretty much kinda ribbing him on.  Jackson also had some eye candy with him.  She didn’t appear to be to bright (I was told she was a former Miss Missouri in something or another), so she was busy setting the dice and said “I like to play Yahtzee.”  As she continues to fiddle with the dice I respond “Yeah, but you only get three rolls.”  To which Joe retorts “You also need a paper and pencil.”  So I’m thinking WTF.

Finally, Skinny decides to close the game.  Jackson’s pissed and walks off with his eye candy.  And of course the usual insults begin about her.  Finally, Joe said something, and it made since by God:

“She’s so dumb, she could fall off a boat and not hit water.”

Joe, I’m proud of you, boy!

Jay

I was on base and Angie was on stick. The player 1 left of stick was getting ready to shoot, then he shoots the dice the wrong way. Angie says “No roll, eight easy”. Then she realized that she just called it. I started laughing because I couldn’t help but think of Joe Cat when that happened. I thought I would take some pressure off Joe and post this.

Bud Light Presents Real Men of Genius
(Real Men of Genius)

Today we salute you, Mr. Mixed Metaphor Man.
(Mr. Simpleton of Simile..)
Armed with your own argot, you attempt to mutter figures of speech and simile without sounding cliché.
(Sharp as a tack)
You do try to muster rousing wisecracks but wind up mixing metaphors.
(Step up to the plate and take the bull by the horns)
Sure, nobody gets your vernacular, but that doesn’t mean you’ll stop swinging for the green.
(Major malapropism)
So crack open an ice cold Bud Light, O’ Admiral of Analogy. You sing to the beat of a different drum.
(Mr. Mixed Metaphor Man..)

Joe Cat was in great form last night, which may not cause us much shock, but will undoubtedly have most of you shaking your head in disbelief…Here goes…

Last night Joe Cat was talking with the Leon, who was pencil. Joe Cat, being the cool “dude” he is, told Leon that he needed a break. Leon responded “Are you serious?” to which our wonderful (not to disappoint any of us faithful fans) Joe Cat responded “Serious as a…..(pause for a few seconds) as a Pancreas!” he cried happily.

Leon and I looked at each other, to which I replied “Joe Cat, you mean serious as a heart attack.”

Oh, Joe Cat….I so told Frank!!!

I was off work last Friday and Saturday, so I missed any Joe Cat stories… but I guess the whole table 105 crew was MIA on Friday anyway.  Nobody else came forward here with tales of Joe’s exploits so I’m guessing nothing happened.  I warned you about getting too good on us, Joe.

First day back with Joe in two weeks yields a pretty good one though… so here’s tonights journal entry into The Saga Of Joe Cat.

(more…)

I was sitting in the hold, mustering up the energy to go up to the floor and start another mundane day when you know who slides into a chair next to me.

“Dude, I heard the Yankees signed a 16 year old from Valenzuela.”

“Um, Joe, from where again?” thinking that maybe Fernando had some other offspring playing baseball.

“From Valenzuela.”

“Joe, Valenzuela is a pitcher.  Venezuela is a country.”

“Oh.  Dude, don’t tell Frank.”

“It’s too late Joe.  I’m also going to tell Scott…”

and the rest of the world.  And with that, I got my night going.

Jay

Joe Cat got his Chevy’s owner’s manual mixed up with his craps manual Saturday night.  Pokey Jones (Mark Wagner for those of you out of the loop) shook his head like somebody that just drank curdled milk out of the carton as he watched Joe Cat pay the first place bet, then the second come bet, then the third spot place bet, bring on the hook’s come bet etc.

He blinked a few times and asked Joe if he was dealing craps or rotating his tires!  That’s all I’ve got today, Joe Cat dealt a decent game (by his standards ) and didn’t give me much this week.  Don’t go and get good on us Joe, damn you.

Joe’s on third base, dude next to him has $10 flat on the Don’t Pass Bar, point of six.  I swear Joe really asks this.. he turns to the box and says “The guy next to me wants to lay $120 on the six, he wants to know if he can press up the flat to do that…”.

I’m telling Frank.

Yesterday.. well where do I start about yesterday.. let’s stick with the don’ts..

(more…)

Joe Cat was stating that he could not play golf on Wed. because he was helping Diane move. He continued that she bought a condo with the help of Jeff Vochetzer, cause he is a realitary person. I don’t know if that means he has a rank or carries a gun, but it sounds important.